You wrote to me last time asking whether I was happy. What do I tell you? Yes, I am happy rather I behave happy. I smile with the well-brushed and dathooned sparkling white teeth yet bad breath can be a resistance of “you know what.”
But Amma the happiness and bliss of being with someone I love is missing. I wake up, tie a saree with a pallu over the head, neatly. I am exhausted by the end of this ritual but I see a whole day lying in front of me and I am afraid.
I quit my job and dreams, Amma but I did not quit life yet. I see the most beautiful sun rise in the morning. It is for free and a pleasure till the sunset. I see the birds flying and I get upset. I don’t know why. By then I am called for making breakfast of all kinds. I try my hands on Dosa it doesn’t come right the first time and then I try and try till it comes right.
Amma, I have been thinking of you and how I used to make fun of you and crib about the food but I wish to hug you and tell you how guilty I am. I wish to embrace your love Amma. I wish to yell in your ears till you hold your hands close to your ears and smile.
Everyone here looks at me quietly. Like Nana, they are not extremely excited seeing me. I still remember how Nana used to be so happy seeing me whenever I came back from college. But I see eyes filled with suspicion when I go out. At times, my legs get tired of making attempts to go out and I sit back and cut vegetables for lunch. Then He comes and has food and after he leaves, I read a book and then I prepare food for dinner.
Amma, I am awaiting for my Visa still. Abhay and I were in love since college and you did not even object to my pleas of getting married outside of our caste. After Nana’s death I still remember how you protected me Amma.
Within the walls of our small house, I felt so protected and cosy and here in this Haveli, I feel so lost.
A fiction tale of a girl wed to a boy from an orthodox family.Categories: Short Stories
Tags: fiction, letter